Hello
Yes?
What?
Sir, kindly switch off your mobile phone
Just one sec, please
Excuse me
Sir, please sit down
Captain, there's a medical emergency
A passenger has just fallen down in the aisle
Delhi, Air India 101 returning due to medical emergency
Excuse me, sir
Hold on !
I'm fine now, thanks. Carry on, please
Wait
Get the car; - Mr. Dhillon?
Want the name tattooed? Get the car
To the hotel, sir?
Yes, yes, but via Vasant Vihar
Step on the gas, dude !
Yeah, Farhan?
Get ready. I'll pick you up in five minutes
What happened?
Chatur called. Remember him?
The 'Silencer'?
Yeah
He said Rancho is coming
What?
He said - Come to the campus at 8. On the tank
Oh shucks !
Hurry;
Ok
Honey, I'll be back soon. Oh, shoes
We found our buddy
What?
Tell me later, bye
You forgot your pants
Now to the hotel, sir?
Yes, but via Imperial College of Engineering
Ok sir
Forgot my socks
More than just your socks
Your pants
Oh no
Now get my brother from the airport
Same last name - Dhillon
This is Dhillon. Where's my cab? On the runway?
Hey Rancho
Hey Chatur, where's Rancho?
Rancho
Where's Rancho?
Welcome, idiots
Some 'madeira' for you?
The same rum you guzzled those days
Have a drink
Where is Rancho?
Patience. First look at this
Don't eye my wife. Check out the mansion behind, idiots
$ 3.5 million
Swimming pool - heated ;
Living room - maple wood flooring
My new Lambhorghini 6496 cc -
very fast
Why're you showing us all this?
Forgot?
What's this?
'5th September'. Today's date
I challenge you
We'll meet again after ten years
Same day. Same place
We'll see who's more successful
Have the balls? C'mon, bet;
Remember? I'd challenged that idiot right here
I kept my promise. I'm back
Jackass ; I aborted a flight, he forgot his pants
all to meet Rancho
5 years we've searched. Don't know if he's alive
and you think he'll show up for your silly bet
I know he won't show up
You gonna break his jaw or should I
So why'd you call us here?
To meet Rancho
Come and see where I've reached and where he rots
So you know where Rancho is?
Yes
Where?
He is in Shimla
Free as the wind was he
Like a soaring kite was he
Where did he go... let's find him
Free as the wind was he
Like a soaring kite was he
Where did he go... let's find him
We were led by the path we took
While he carved a path of his own
Stumbling, rising, carefree walked he
We fretted about the morrow
He simply reveled in today
Living each moment to the fullest
Where did he come from...
He who touched our hearts and vanished...
Where did he go... let's find him
In scorching Sun, he was like a patch of shade...
In an endless desert, like an oasis...
On a bruised heart, like soothing balm was he
Afraid, we stayed confined in the well
Fearless, he frolicked in the river
Never hesitating to swim against the tide
He wandered lonesome as a cloud
... Yet he was our dearest friend
Where did he go... let's find him
Rancho
Ranchhoddas Shamaldas Chanchad
He was as unique as his name
From birth we were taught - Life is a race
Run fast or you 'll be trampled
Even to be born, one had to race 300 million sperms
1978. I was born at 5.15 pm
At 5.1 6, my father announced
My son will be an engineer. - Farhan Qureshi. B.Tech. Engineer
And my fate was sealed
What I wanted to be... no one asked
Raju Rastogi... Ranchhoddas Chanchad
Room number?
D-26
C'mon
I'm Man Mohan. MM
These engineers call me Millimeter
For eggs, bread, milk, laundry
finishing journals, copying assignments
I'm your guy. Fixed rates. No bargaining
Hey wait, hold this
Meet Kilobyte, Megabyte, and their mother Gigabyte
Go ahead, click - this family doesn't bite
Check him out... another God-fearing soul
Hi. Farhan Qureshi - I'm Raju Rastogi
Don't worry
a few days here and hell lose faith in God
Then naked babes will be on the wall, and he'll say -
Oh God, give me one chance with her
Get out of here
Four bucks. Two per bag
Here's five. Keep the change
Thanks boss. For your tip, here's one in return -
Wear your best underwear tonight
Why?
Your Majesty, thou art great
Accept this humble offering
Ha... here's a He-Man
What a pretty piece. Cute and compact
A campus tradition - On Day 1...
Freshmen must pay their respects to Seniors
in their underwear
This is when we first saw Rancho
Spiderman
Batman
Fresh meat
Greetings. Drop your pants, get stamped
Name?
'Ranchhoddas Shamaldas Chanchad'
What a mouthful ; Needs serious cramming
Come on - pants off
Being stubborn?
Wet pants not good, kiddo. Take them off
Aal izz well - What's that?
Aal izz Well
What did he say?
Someone tell him. Hey James Bond
Make him understand
Take off your pants or they are going to piss on you
Hey 007! Ashamed to speak Hindi?
Sorry sir, I was born in Uganda, studied in Pondicherry
so little slow in Hindi
So explain slowly. No hurry
Feeling cold?
Pray undress
or he'll do 'urine-expulsion' on you
Calls pissing 'urine-expulsion' ;
A true linguist in the land of engineers !
Hey, come out of there
Come out or...
or I'll do 'urine-expulsion' on your door
If you aren't out by the count of ten
I'll do 'urine-expulsion' on your door all semester
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Salt water is a great conductor of electricity. 8th Grade Physics
We had studied it. He applied it
Dr. Viru Sahastrabuddhe was the Director of ICE
Students called him Virus, computer Virus
Virus on the way, with eggs
Freshmen are summoned. Come quickly
Virus was the most competitive man we had ever seen
He couldn 't bear anyone getting ahead of him
To save time, his shirts had Velcro
and his ties had hooks
He'd trained his mind to write with both hands simultaneously
Everyday at 2 pm he took a 7 1/2 minute power nap
with an opera as lullaby
Govind, his valet, had instructions
to carry out all unproductive tasks such as shaving, nail-cutting etc
What is this? - Sir, nest
Whose? - A koel bird's nest, sir
Wrong
A koel bird never makes her own nest
She lays her eggs in other nests
And when they hatch, what do they do?
They push the other eggs out of the nest
Competition over
Their life begins with murder. That's nature
Compete or die
You also are like the koel birds
And these are the eggs you smashed to get into ICE
Don't forget, ICE gets 400,000 applications a year
and only 200 are selected - You ;
And these? Finished. Broken eggs
My son... he tried for three years
Rejected. Every time
Remember, life is a race
If you don't run fast, you'll get trampled
Let me tell you a very interesting story
This is an astronaut pen
Fountain pens and ballpoint pens don't work in outer space
So scientists spent millions to invent this pen
It can write at any angle, in any temperature, in zero gravity
One day, when I was a student
the Director of our institute called me
He said, 'Viru Sahastrabuddhe.' I said, 'Yes sir'
'Come here;' I got scared
He showed me this pen
He said, 'This is a symbol of excellence'
'I give it to you'
'When you come across an extraordinary student like yourself
...pass it onto him'
For 32 years, I've been waiting for that student
But no luck
Anyone here, who'll strive to win this pen?
Good. Put your hands down
Shall I post it on the notice board? Hands down
One question, sir
Sir, if pens didn't work in outer space
why didn't the astronauts use a pencil?
They'd have saved millions
I will get back to you on this
He zaps a Senior's privates at night
fingers the Director in the day. Best avoid him
You deflated Virus's erection
Your Majesty, thou art great. Accept this humble offering
Buzz off. You don't have school?
Who'll pay for it? Your pop?
Keep off my dad ! - Relax
For school you don't need tuition money, just a uniform
Pick a school, buy the uniform, slip into class
In that sea of kids, no one will notice
If I get caught? - Then new uniform, new school
See that? - He was different...
He challenged conventions at every stage
A free-spirited bird had landed in Virus's nest
We were robots, blindly following our professors ' commands
He was the only one who was not a machine
What is a machine?
Why're you smiling?
Sir, to study Engineering was a childhood dream
I'm so happy to be here finally
No need to be so happy. Define a machine
A machine is anything that reduces human effort
Will you please elaborate?
Anything that simplifies work, or saves time, is a machine
It's a warm day, press a button, get a blast of air
The fan... A machine ;
Speak to a friend miles away. The telephone... A machine !
Compute millions in seconds. The calculator... A machine!
We're surrounded by machines
From a pen's nib to a pants' zip - all machines
Up and down in a second. Up, down, up, down...
What is the definition?
I just gave it to you, sir
You'll write this in the exam? This is a machine - up, down...
Idiot; Anybody else?
Yes?
Sir, machines are any combination of bodies so connected
that their relative motions are constrained
and by which means, force and motion may be transmitted
and modified as a screw and its nut, or a lever arranged
to turn about a fulcrum or a pulley about its pivot, etc
especially, a construction, more or less complex
consisting of a combination of moving parts, or
simple mechanical elements, as wheels, levers, cams etc
Wonderful
Perfect. Please sit down
Thank you
But sir, I said the same thing, in simple language
If you prefer simple language, join an Arts and Commerce college
But sir, one must get the meaning too
What's the point of blindly cramming a bookish definition
You think you're smarter than the book?
Write the textbook definition, mister, if you want to pass
But there are other books... - Get out!
Why?
In simple language - Out;
Idiot;
So, we were discussing the machine...
Why're you back?
I forgot something
What?
Instruments that record, analyze, summarize, organize
debate and explain information; that are illustrated, non-illustrated
hard-bound, paperback, jacketed, non-jacketed
with foreword, introduction, table-of-contents, index
that are intended for the enlightenment, understanding
enrichment, enhancement and education of the human brain
through the sensory route of vision, sometimes touch
What do you mean?
Books, sir
I forgot my books. May I?
Couldn't you ask simply?
I tried earlier, sir. It simply didn't work
Professors kept Rancho mostly out... seldom in
When thrown out of one class, he'd slip into another
He said - First year or fourth year, it's knowledge. Just grab it
He was unlike any of us
We fought for a shower every morning
He'd bathe wherever he found water
Morning, sir
Machines were his passion
When he spotted them, he opened them
Some he could re-assemble...
some he couldn 't
There was another, just like him
Joy Lobo
Sir. Excuse me, sir
Mr. Joy Lobo ;
Sir, if I could know the convocation dates...
Why?
Dad wants to make train reservations
I'm the first engineer from my village. Everyone wants to attend
In that case, call your dad
Please hurry up. Don't waste my time
Hello
Dad, the Director wants to speak to you
Joy;
Mr. Lobo, your son won't graduate this year
What happened, sir?
He has violated all deadlines
Mr. Lobo, it's an unrealistic project
He is making some nonsense helicopter
I suggest you don't book your tickets. I'm so sorry
Sir, I am this close, sir - Is your project ready?
Is your project ready? - Sir, see it once, please
Submit it, and we'll consider
Sir, a small extension... - Why, why should I?
After dad's stroke, I couldn't focus for two months
Did you stop eating?
No
Stopped bathing?
So why stop studying?
Sir, I'm very close. See it once, please...
Mr. Lobo ;
Sunday afternoon, my son fell off a train and died
Monday morning, I taught a class. So don't give me that nonsense
I can give you sympathy, not an extension
Sir... I'm very close...
Lifelong I lived
The life of another
For just one moment
Let me live as I...
Lifelong I lived
The life of another
For just one moment
Let me live as I...
Give me some sunshine Give me some rain
Give me another chance I wanna grow up once again
Give me some sunshine Give me some rain
Give me another chance I wanna grow up once again
Dude's come up with an amazing design
A wireless camera atop a helicopter
Can be used for traffic updates, security... Wow!
But Virus said it's an impractical design, it won't fly
It will fly; We'll make it fly
Don't tell Joy. It'll be a surprise
We'll fly it up to his window and capture his reaction
If we work on his project, who'll work on ours?
Tests, vivas, quizzes - 42 exams per semester
You scare easily, bro
Take your hand, put it over your heart, and say, 'Aal izz well'
All is well? - Aal izz well
Words of wisdom from His Holiness Guru Ranchhoddas
We had an old watchman in our village
On night patrol, he'd call out, 'Aal izz well'
And we slept peacefully. Then there was a theft
and we learned that he couldn't see at night;
He'd just yell 'Aal izz well', and we felt secure
That day I understood this heart scares easily
You have to trick it
However big the problem, tell your heart, 'All is well, pal'
That resolves the problem?
No. But you gain courage to face it
Learn it up, bro. We're gonna really need it here
When life spins out of control Just let your lips roll
Let your lips roll And whistle away the toll
When life spins out of control Just let your lips roll
And whistle away the toll
Yell - All is Well...
The chicken's clueless about the egg's fate
Will it hatch or become an omelette
No one knows what the future holds
So let your lips roll And whistle away the toll
Whistle away the toll Yell - All is Well
Hey bro - All is Well
Hey mate - All is Well
Hey bro - All is Well
Confusion and more confusion No sign of any solution
Ah... finally a solution But wait... what was the question ?
If the timid heart with fear is about to die
Then con it bro, with this simple lie
Heart's an idiot, it will fall under that spell
Let your lips roll And whistle away the toll
Whistle away the toll Yell - All is Well
Hey bro - All is Well
Hey mate - All is Well
Hey bro - All is Well
Blew the scholarship on booze But that did not dispel my blues
Holy incense lit up my plight And yet God's nowhere in sight
The lamb is clueless for what it's destined
Will it be served on skewers or simply minced
No one knows what the future holds
So let your lips roll And whistle away the toll
Whistle away the toll Yell - All is Well
Hey bro - All is Well
Hey mate - All is Well
Hey bro - All is Well
When life spins out of control Just let your lips roll
And whistle away the toll
All is Well
The chicken's clueless about the egg's fate
Will it hatch or become an omelette
No one knows what the future holds
So let your lips roll And whistle away the toll
Whistle away the toll
Eureka ! Eureka ;
Yell - All is Well
Hey Mrs. Chicken - All is Well
Hey Mr. Lamb - All is Well
Hey bro - All is Well
Hey, take it up to Joy's window
Take it higher
Look at Silencer - the nude dude ;
Joy, come out
Come to the window
Joy, look outside
Good news, sir
The police and Joy's father have no clue
Everyone thinks this is suicide
The post mortem report -
Cause of Death: Intense pressure on windpipe
resulting in choking
All think the pressure on the jugular killed him
What about the mental pressure for the last four years?
That's missing in the report
Engineers are a clever bunch
They haven't made a machine to measure mental pressure
If they had, all would know...
this isn't suicide... it's murder
How dare you blame me for Joy's suicide?
If one student can't handle pressure, is it our fault?
Life is full of pressures. Will you always blame others?
I don't blame you, sir. I blame the system
Look at these statistics - India ranks No.1 in suicides
Every 90 minutes, a student attempts suicide
Suicide is a bigger killer than disease
Something's terribly wrong, sir
I can't speak for the rest
but this is one of the finest colleges in the country
I've run this place for 32 years
We were ranked 28th. Now we're No.1
What's the point, sir?
Here they don't discuss new ideas or inventions
They discuss grades, jobs, settling in the USA
They teach how to get good scores. They don't teach Engineering
Now you will teach me how to teach?
No sir, I...
Sir, my paper...
Vaidyanathan, please sit down
Here is a self-proclaimed professor
who thinks he is better than our highly qualified teachers
Professor Ranchhoddas Chanchad will teach us Engineering
We do not have all day
You have 30 seconds to define these terms
You may refer to your books
Raise your hand if you get the answer
Let's see who comes first, who comes last
Your time starts... now
Time up
Time up, sir
No one got the answer?
Now rewind your life by a minute
When I asked this question, were you excited? Curious?
Thrilled that you'd learn something new?
Anyone? ... Sir?
No. You all got into a frantic race
What's the use of such methods, even if you come first
Will your knowledge increase? No, just the pressure
This is a college, not a pressure cooker
Even a circus lion learns to sit on a chair in fear of the whip
But you call such a lion 'well trained', not 'well educated'
Hello !
This is not a philosophy class. Just explain those two words
Sir, these words don't exist
These are my friends' names. Farhan and Raju
Quiet;
Nonsense! Is this how you'll teach Engineering?
Sir, I wasn't teaching you Engineering
You're an expert at that
I was teaching you... how to teach
And I'm sure one day you'll learn
because unlike you, I never abandon my weak students
Bye, sir
Quiet;
Quiet, I said
I regret to inform you that your son...
Farhan... Raju...
has fallen into bad company
Without urgent corrective steps, his future will be ruined
Virus 's letters dropped on our homes like atom bombs
Hiroshima and Nagasaki plunged into gloom
Our parents invited us - for a dressing down
Come in
See that?
We could afford just one air-conditioner
We put it in Farhan's room, so he could study in comfort
I didn't buy a car. I manage with a scooter
We put all our money into Farhan's education
We sacrificed our comforts for Farhan's future. U nderstand?
You took these pictures, Farhan?
He had that useless obsession for a while
Went around taking pictures of animals
Wanted to be a wildlife photographer
Son, what was your score that year?
91%
Hear that? Straight drop from 94% to 91%
You find it funny?
No sir, sorry. I'm just amazed at the photos
Why make him an engineer... Why not a wildlife photographer?
Enough ;
I humbly request you - Don't ruin my son's future
Food's on the table, boys. C'mon
If you ever visit again, do eat with us
Dad denied us a meal...
So, to fill our bellies with food...
and ears with more reprimands, we reached Raju's house
Raju's house was straight out of a 50's black and white film
A small, dingy room...
a paralyzed father...
a coughing mother...
and an unwed sister
A sofa sprouting springs...
a 24 hour water supply - from the leaking roof
Mother was a retired school teacher and a tireless complainer
Father was once a postmaster
Paralysis shut down his body partly...
his salary completely. And the sister...
Kammo's turned 28. They demand a car in dowry
If you don't study and earn, how will she marry?
Some okra?
Okra is now 12 /- per kilo, cauliflower is 10/-
It's daylight robbery;
What will we eat if we get warnings from your college?
Mom!
Cottage cheese?
Cottage cheese should be sold at the jewelers, in velvet pouches
Cottage cheese? - No, no, it's ok
Mom, please
Alright, I'll shut up
Earn for the family, slave like a maid
and then take the vow of silence
If not with my son, with whom do I share my woes - his friends?
Hey Raju
We were in a huge dilemma
Do we comfort our friend or console his mom ?
Screw it, we thought, let's focus on the cottage cheese
Even his eczema cream costs 55 /- now
Another roti?
No, thank you. We're through
Okra for 12 /- - Cauliflower for 10 /-
At least you were offered a meal
Unlike your sadistic dad... 'Hitler' Qureshi;
And your mom is Mother Teresa... Feeding us 'eczema roti' !
Don't poke fun at my mom ; - Enough, you guys
I'm famished. Let's eat out
It's month end. Who'll pay? His Mother Teresa?
To eat out, you don't need money. Just a uniform. Look...
C'mon - Come
Good evening, good evening
Oh, U ncle
Three large vodkas. - Half soda, half water
If we're caught, we're dead
What's for starters? - Get double portions
Leave this here and start some peppy music
Pia, what the hell!
Why're you wearing this ancient piece of junk?
What'll people say - My fiancee...
a doctor in the making, wearing a cheap, 200 /- watch ;
Please take it off. Thank you
Hi handsome
Hey Aunty. You're looking good
Don't miss my set, darling - Rubies?
From Mandalay - Mandalay... Wow;
Hey, let's go meet David - Of course
Excuse me
Yes?
Flowers
May I take the glass? - Why?
So you don't break it on my head
Why would I do that?
For the free advice I'll now impart
What?
Don't marry that ass
Excuse me?
He's not a human, he's a price tag
He'll turn your life into a nightmare of brands and prices
He'll ruin your life. Your future will be finished
Want a demonstration?
Shall I find out the price of his shoes?
I won't ask. He'll announce it himself
What the hell... Mint sauce on my $300 shoes !
Run for your life ; It's free advice. Take it or leave it
Genuine Italian leather - hand-stitched ;
Dad, are they your guests?
My students. What're they doing here?
Hold on, Dad
These beans smell great
No room for roti - Just pile it on
Hi - Hey
That was an eye-opener. Thank you so much
It was my moral responsibility
Can I ask you for little more help?
Dad won't let me break off this engagement
You explain so well. Can you give him a demo too?
Certainly. Raju, the mint sauce
You're really sweet
Where is your daddy? - Right behind you
Aal izz well
Run for your life ; It's free advice. Take it or leave it
What're you doing here?
We'll hand these gifts to the couple
I'll do that for you. It's my sister's wedding
Sister?
Sir, what's the sum total of your daughters?
Empty. No gift cheques
Forgot the cheques, Raju ... Farhan?
We didn't invite you, you must be from the groom's side
No sir, we're here as the emissaries of science
How? Can you explain?
Dad, he explains superbly. I'm sure he'll give us a demo
Won't you?
Well, Delhi has plenty of power cuts that...
disrupt wedding celebrations
So I thought of making an inverter that...
draws power from guests' cars
I see
Wow
So where's the inverter?
Sir, the design is ready
Where's the design, Farhan?
I gave you the design - I gave it to Raju
Raju, design?
Never mind the design. I'll make the inverter and show you
You can only invent stories, not an inverter
I'll make one, I promise
And I'll name it after you. After all, it was invented...
at your daughter's wedding. So it'll be an honor...
Farhan, Raju. I'll see you in my office tomorrow
Sir, what was the cost per plate? We'll reimburse you
... in installments
We'll never crash a wedding again - Not even my own
In fact, I won't even marry. Nor will he
Uh... right. No marriage
Your parents shouldn't have married either
The world would have to feed two less idiots
Sit!
Pay attention
This is Ranchhoddas's father's monthly income
Couple of zeroes less, and it's still a sizeable income
But erase another zero, and I would worry a little
Isn't that your father's income, Farhan?
Yes, sir
Now take away another zero...
and that's your family income, Raju Rastogi
Big reason to worry
Take my advice and shift into Chatur Ramalingam's room
Exams are here. Stay with Rancho and you're sure to fail
Want a shave? - No, sir
Then get lost!
Raju, don't worry. This is Virus's move to split us. Divide and rule
I have to worry
He grades us, and I need good grades for a good job
Unlike you, I don't have a rich dad I can live off
Shut up, Raju
Must we follow all his hogwash? 'Aal izz well'
I won't be his flunky... like you
You're crossing the line - No, I'm drawing one
I have a family to support
Dad's medicines swallow up mom's pension
My sis can't marry because they want a car in dowry
Mom hasn't bought a single saree in five years
Now don't get your mom's wardrobe into the debate
By the way, how many sarees per annum is reasonable?
Hey... no wisecracks about mom
We'll study with all our heart, but not just for grades
To quote a Wise One - Study to be accomplished, not affluent
Follow excellence. And success will chase you, pants down ;
Which Wise One says this? His Holiness Guru Ranchhoddas?
Go rot in the bogs;
Raju, don't stress. We'll top our class. Nothing is impossible
Oh yeah?
Shove this back into the tube
Raju got onto another train
His travails with Chatur began. Yes, I mean travails, not travels
Chatur was called 'Silencer'
To sharpen his memory, he popped pills from a local quack
And then let off silent... but lethal farts
I didn't do it... Raju?
He always blamed others for the output
Silencer crammed 18 hours a day
On exam eve, he would distract others
His belief - There are only two ways of topping
Elevate your own grades or shrink your opponents' grades
Rancho decided to subdue Silencer and rescue Raju...
with one master plan
Our Director has unceasingly served... 'Served' means...
Damn the meaning, I'll memorize it
Chatur was the introductory speaker at the Teachers' Day function
To impress Virus, he got his speech written by the librarian...
in highbrow Hindi
Hello. Hold on. Chatur, call for you
Please collect the printout. I'll be right back
Oh... the things I have to do...
Mr. Dubey, the Director was remembering you
Really? - Yes. Just now
I'll see him right away. Give this to Chatur
Hello. Hello - Hello, Mr. Ramalingam?
Yes?
I'm calling from the police station
Are you from Uganda? - Yes sir
Your life is in danger - What? ... How?
Listen carefully, or else...
you'll get killed as you step out of the college gate
Why? What happened?
While Chatur was kept engaged
Rancho altered a few words in his speech, for eg...
'served' became 'screwed'
Yes sir?
Who are you? - Dubey. Librarian
I'm permanent staff, sir
Congratulations
Hold on a moment. The chief is on the other line
Excuse me, sir
Yes... so where was I?
You said I may die... outside the gate
Right. As you get out of the gate, you'll see a traffic signal
Traffic signal. Ok
When it turns red, all the cars will halt
Ok. Then?
Then cross the road with great caution
Because son, in rush hour if a car hits you, you're dead
What nonsense! I know that
You know that? Excellent. Then you're safe my boy
From the librarian, Silencer
You don't call me that, Chanchad
Hey. The Director said he didn't call for me
Who said 'called'? I just said he 'remembered' you
Remembered? Rascals ;
Distinguished Mr. Chairperson
Chief guest, the Honorable Minister of Education
respected teachers and friends
ICE has now soared beyond the stratosphere
The credit goes solely to
Dr. Viru Sahastrabuddhe. Give him a big hand
Sir, the voice is his but the words are mine
He's a great guy, really you are
For 32 years, he has unceasingly screwed students
He means - 'served' students
I'm sure his endeavors will continue
We are astounded at how one man, in one lifetime
can screw so many, so well
With rigorous training he's built up his stamina
He's spent every living minute just screwing
Let's replicate his methods
Tomorrow ICE students will go across the globe
Wherever we go, we promise to screw
We'll hoist this screwer's flag all over the world
We'll show the world that our capacity to screw...
cannot be matched by any student...
anywhere on the planet
Mr. Minister. Good evening
You have given this institution what it sorely needs
Booty, funds - Bosom
It's booty, stupid. Bosom means...
What nonsense! That's insulting
Everyone has a bosom, but it remains pocketed
No one offers it so readily
Vulgar fellow;
You have generously offered your bosom...
to this relentless screwer
Now see how he makes it grow
Is this what you teach here, Director?
On this august occasion, here's a Sanskrit verse...
Listen to this - the might of his fart in verse
A good loud fart is honorable
'Fart'? Go, Silencer
A medium fart is tolerable
Softer windbreaks are terrible
And the silent ones unbearable
What did I do?
That's what mindless cramming does to you
Cramming may see you through four years of college
but it will 'screw' you for the next 40 years
He still doesn't get it
'Medium fart is tolerable'... Unbelievable ;
You're a poet, Rancho. How did you think of this?
That was fun. He didn't know what hit him
You swines! What did I ever do to you?
Sorry man. Don't take it personally
I will
Chatur Ramalingam will never forget this insult
I'll think of it every minute, every second of my life
Sorry man. That was a demo for Raju - Don't cram blindly
Understand and enjoy the wonders of Science
I'm not here to enjoy Science
So You're here to screw Science
Go ahead. Laugh at my methods
But one day these methods will bring me success
That day I'll laugh and you'll cry
You're on the wrong track again. Don't chase success
Become a good engineer and success will chase you
These ideals don't work in the real world
You take your train, I'll take mine
Ten years from now we'll meet at the same station
Same day. Same place. We'll see who's more successful
you... or I
Have the balls? C'mon, bet;
It's a challenge
Watch it!
What's he writing?
Don't forget this date
I'm not used to such expensive gifts, Suhas
Get used to them, Pia
You're gonna be Suhas Tandon's wife
Where's the bill, man?
I'll be back
You changed the speech? - What?
Don't lie
Um... Yeah
What's your problem with dad? - I have no problem
I'm making an inverter named after him. Look... Oh
Why're you harassing him?
'Cause he runs a factory, not a college
Churning out asses. Like that one
She destroyed it, man
How dare you call him an ass?
He is one! First Engineering, then MBA
then becomes a banker in the USA
Because it rakes in more money?
Life for him is just a profit-loss statement
He sees profit in you, so he's with you
Director's daughter, doctor in the making... Good for his image !
It's not you he cares for
Who do you think you are?
What do you mean he doesn't care for me?
New watch? One moment
You always need a demo
Hey Suhas
Where were you?
She's looking for her watch
What? You lost the watch
Never mind. Get another
It cost 400,000;
Mine's just 250/- but keeps the same time
How could you be so careless, Pia
This callous attitude is disgusting. It's disrespectful
That was a limited edition watch
Now wear your ancient piece of junk at dinner
What're you staring at?
Here come the tears ! Real mature, Pia
I can't handle this
Stop crying and look for it
Find another wrist for this watch... Ass;
Hey, you're awesome. Called him an ass to his face
Get lost
It's too noisy here
She's saying 'Thank you', I hear 'Get lost'
I said 'Get lost' - Don't get so uptight
Actually, you never really loved him
What do you mean?
When you see him, do the winds whisper a melody?
Your scarf flies in slow motion?
The Moon appears gigantic?
That happens in movies, not in life
Happens in life too - if you love a person
... not an ass
Hello. What?
Oh God ; Ok, I'm on my way
You're a medical student, right? Need your help
It's an emergency, please - What?
Please come with me. What's that oath you doctors take -
You'll never deny a patient help... The Hippocratic Oath
Please help me, it's an emergency
You gatecrash my sister's wedding, break off my engagement...
my dad is popping BP pills because of you...
and here I am, helping you ;
Unbelievable ;
This Hippocratic Oath - It's really done us in !
Where's Raju, ma'am? - Gone to get a cab
Called the ambulance two hours ago
In this country, pizza reaches in 30 minutes
but an ambulance... ;
He needs hospitalization. Urgently
Hey stop;
Move, it's an emergency!
Move... move...
Doctor, emergency!
That's the patient
Keep this. Hey, here's Raju
What the hell ; You brought dad on the scooter
Should I've sent him by courier?
No wisecracks on dads profession ! Where is he?
Go ask the doctor
Close call, Pia. A little delay, we'd have lost him
Glad you didn't wait for an ambulance and got him on the scooter
Call me if there's a problem
Rancho; Thank you...
Thanking your buddies ; Silencer teaching you manners?
Didn't he teach you - A friend is man's greatest bosom?
Go on now. You have an exam tomorrow
Exams we have many... Dad mostly just one
We won't budge from here without the Postmaster
Don't worry
Rancho, forgive me. I was scared
It's ok. Quiet, now
Please forgive me
It's ok, calm down. Go see your dad
And don't go with that weepy face
Thanks buddy
Natty scooter. Saved a life. How much does it cost?
Pour some mint sauce on it. It'll tell you
Hey, happy Independence Day
Today isn't Independence Day
For you it is! Now you're free to wear your mom's watch
No ass can say it's an ancient piece of junk
Hey
How do you know it was mom's watch?
At your sister's wedding, you wore sparkling new clothes
Only the watch was old
What could that mean?
You really missed your mom that day, didn't you?
Yes
Your mom must've been really beautiful
Yes. How do you know?
Seen your dad?
'Life is a race. If you don't run fast
you'll be a broken egg ... cuckoo bird'
You...
The winds whisper a melody
The sky hums along
Time itself is singing...
Zoobi do...
Param pum
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara Zoobi doobi param pum '
My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara Zoobi doobi param pum '
My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along
Leaves sing on their branches Bees jam with flowers
Crazy sunbeams dance off petals As birds yodel in the skies
Flowers, bold and brazen Snuggle and cootchie-coo
I've seen it happen in movies What's now happening with us
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara Zoobi doobi param pum '
My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara Zoobi doobi param pum '
My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along
Let's make the unique and ever useful mint sauce
The all-powerful sauce that exposes phony people
Your 7th house is clear
Shunning an ass, you 'll fall for a human
Time is ripe for love
Temperature in New Delhi remains stable
Clear skies. But if in love, expect rain
Pitter-patter go the raindrops Whish-whoosh whistles the wind
Do-da-dee waltzes the rain Boom-boom echoes the sky
Drenched in rain and passion You sway your hips on cue
I've seen it happen in movies What's now happening with us
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara Zoobi doobi param pum '
My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara Zoobi doobi param pum '
My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along
The gorgeous low moon Serenades the earth
A shooting star skips along Crooning a ballad of love
The night is bright but lonesome Come touch me, my handsome
I've seen it happen in movies What's now happening with us
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara Zoobi doobi param pum '
My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum paara Zoobi doobi param pum '
My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' as it jives and jigs along
'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi' ... goes my silly heart
Hello. Wake up
Huh... Postmaster's dead? - What;
No, stupid
It's 8.30, your exam is at 9
But we can't leave him alone
I'm here. It's a matter of three hours
Take my scooter. It's getting late
Hey...